


ghost page

by Anonymous



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Car Accidents, Haunting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-25 18:30:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15646470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Pat had never really thought much about what it was like to die. He didn’t know what would happen, didn’t know what it felt like. He heard people describe it as gentle and quiet. Others said it was instant and painful. Some said it felt like nothing at all.Pat was always told that life was fleeting. He never really thought about it until now.





	ghost page

**Author's Note:**

> the gng hell squad strikes again
> 
> thanks for fueling my angst, you two
> 
> title is from red vox, off of the album "what could go wrong"
> 
> (lots of things can go wrong)

It all felt like slow motion. Just moments before, Pat was joking around with Brian in the car, Brian dancing and singing loudly to some 80’s pop song on the radio. Pat thought the “LOOK OUT!” Brian had yelled was just part of whatever song was on at the time, but before his brain could process it, Pat had rammed straight into a semi that hit the brakes in front of him.

Pat had never really thought much about what it was like to die. He didn’t know what would happen, didn’t know what it felt like. He heard people describe it as gentle and quiet. Others said it was instant and painful. Some said it felt like nothing at all.

Pat was always told that life was fleeting. He never really thought about it until now.

Everything was hazy, noises muffled by the ringing in his ears. He saw something dark drip down his face, but everything felt numb and heavy. He saw Brian get thrown forward into the windshield, his seatbelt tightening and pulling him back into the chair, hard, before the airbags deployed. 

He thought he heard a sickening crunch, but it might have just been the sound of his life falling apart.

He doesn’t remember much after that, other than waking up feeling like everything was ripped away from him.

He was holding Brian in his arms, he could hear someone screaming at him to wake up. Thinking back, it might have been him. His voice sounded disconnected from his body, nothing felt real. 

He remembered tears down his face as he screamed his throat raw, begging Brian to wake up, to say something, to move, to do _anything._

But all he could do was watch as Brian’s breath slowed as he held him in his arms, until it stopped.

Pat didn’t remember anything after that. He didn’t want to remember anything after that. He just wanted to live his life in the routine he built for himself. Staring at himself in the mirror, he cried for the third time that morning. 

He kept talking to himself, expecting to hear Brian quip at him from the kitchen as he cooked. Expected to hear him laugh, sing a tune off the top of his head. Instead, the kitchen was dark, left unused since Brian was gone. Pat had been living off of fast food and takeout for the past week, at least on the days he remembered to get food. The containers had piled up on the counter and table, and Pat promised himself he’d clean it up eventually.

He knew he wouldn’t any time soon.

\--

Pat quit Polygon a few weeks later. Just being in the same place he first met Brian, knowing he’ll never get to work with him again, never laugh and joke around about something in their newest video together, never take the subway to work together, Brian holding Pat’s hand and leaning on his shoulder… It was too much for Pat. He hadn’t worked a full day since the incident. Tara always sent him home after finding him face down at his desk, sobbing into his keyboard.

Pat requested to move desks on the third day without Brian. He would always stare at Brian’s empty desk, knowing that one day in the near future it would be some stranger sitting there, as if he had never been there. 

On his last day, he only went in to say goodbye to all the friends he had made at what was his favorite job. They reminisced about all the good times, all the videos they had made together. All the streams they made fools of themselves on. The streams that let Pat meet the love of his life.

They had all hugged him, told him that he could pull through.

He didn’t want to pull through.

\--

Every morning, Pat replied to Brian’s last tweet. Told him how much he loved him, how much he missed him, how much he meant to him. He didn’t care who saw it, he just wanted Brian to know. 

Every morning, just for a moment, his lips felt cold.

Nights were the hardest. Pat just wanted to feel Brian’s warmth next to him, but Brian’s side of the best was always cold. So, so cold.

Every night, Pat told Brian he loved him. He knew he wouldn’t get an answer, but he still prayed he would hear Brian’s voice next to him in his ear. He would fall asleep while gently twirling the engagement ring on his finger. Brian had proposed to him a few months earlier. They were planning to get married that fall.

\--

One night, as he was saying goodnight to Brian, he did hear something in response. 

But it wasn’t Brian.

Charlie was mewling at the door, and Pat propped himself up on his elbows to see what was up. Charlie was rolling around on his back, purring loudly for seemingly no reason. Grunting, Pat got up, stumbling over to the cat.

“Hey, buddy, what’re you doin’,” he mumbled as he reached down to pet him. His hand brushed against something.

Cold. Freezing cold, for less than a second, and then it was gone. 

Charlie ran away, leaving Pat alone in his room.

Pat covered his face, trying to stop himself from wailing. The chilling touch slid over his hands again, and he lowered them, shaking.

He could have sworn he felt something grab his hands, the same way Brian used to hold him. But instead of the warmth he missed so much, the touch was freezing cold, wrapping around his hands, his fingers, lingering for a moment on his ring before sliding up his arms. He felt the chill wrap around his body like a hug.

That’s when Pat broke down, sliding down the wall and cried the hardest he had since he lost Brian.

\--

He tried to brush it off the next morning, blamed it on shock and lack of sleep. He pushed it into the back of his mind, tried to ignore it. He didn’t want to think about the way the coldness seeped into his bones, chilled him to the core. He didn’t want to think about the way the cold seemed to wrap around him in the ways Brian used to hold him.

His ring felt cold.

He decided to go out for breakfast. He couldn’t handle staying in his apartment anymore.

\--

Pat returned to his apartment a few hours later. He hoped getting outside would clear his head, and it did a bit, but as he walked into his bedroom, he stopped in his tracks.

On his bed was Brian’s ukulele, propped up against one of his pillows.

Tears burned in Pat’s eyes as he sat on his bed, gently plucking one of the strings. He didn’t remember ever putting it here, didn’t think he even had it in the apartment.

Even though it’s been years since he’s played, he took the ukulele in his hands and began to strum. He shut his eyes and let himself cry as he played a soft, gentle tune, notes from a song Brian had written for Pat when they had first started dating. 

He hummed along quietly, letting his mind wander. He thought back to when they first met, Brian’s first day of work at Polygon. Pat was charmed instantly, drawn in by those wide eyes and that adorable grin. Pat smiled to himself as a tear dripped from his nose onto the ukulele. Brian would probably have laughed at that, kissed his nose and leaned on him as he watched Pat play.

He remembered that laugh, that smile, the way they had both cried together when Brian had proposed to him.

Pat let out a choked sob as he dropped the ukulele, letting it clatter onto the floor.

He just wanted his boyfriend-- his fiancé-- back.

He curled up and hugged his knees, and he felt the cold set in almost immediately. It wrapped around his chest, under his arms as if it were hugging him from behind. He felt the cold brush against his hands, and this time he took comfort in it. 

Light as a feather, the cold touched his cheek, a chilling kiss that made his blood turn to ice.

And it may have been nothing, it might have just been hopeful thinking, could have just been him being too caught up in his own thoughts, but Pat could swear he heard someone speak right into his ear with a huff of cold breath.

_I’m here._

**Author's Note:**

> none of this was beta'd and i wrote most of this out at 2 am after a long session of yelling in discord  
> yell at me if its bad


End file.
